Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
