Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
