Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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