Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
