she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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