a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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