found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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