It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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