I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Small penises have feelings too.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
