So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
