I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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