He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
