This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
