then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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