I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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