just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
