You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
