I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
