he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
