I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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