Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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