I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
