I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
