Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(778): View more from British Columbia

we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.

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(707): View more from California

I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight

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(916): View more from California

Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?

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(330): View more from Ohio

It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.

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(714): View more from California

When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong

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(757): View more from Virginia

I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.

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(303): View more from Colorado

We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.

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