Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
