I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
