Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Couch. On fire.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
