I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
