you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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