If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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