if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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