There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
