I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
