Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize