Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
