i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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