let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
