It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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