My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My pussy is not your playground.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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