why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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