Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
