this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
