I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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