remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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