I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
