it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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