Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
