distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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