Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
