She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
