??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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